Pee-pee, Doo-doo

I hadn’t played Minecraft in months, but with the new “adventure update” having been released, I figured I’d give it a shot. I found a big, open cave area that split off into several corridors, and decided to set up a base of operations. It took a few hours, but I eventually had all the basic amenities: Crafting table, furnace, little wooden chandelier, bed…bed? Fuck, I need a bed, don’t I?

I checked my inventory, and to my horror discovered that I only had two pieces of wool. I carefully left my little abode, and ventured back out into the outside world in search of sheep. Turns out the forest I found myself in was very close to the ocean; upon reaching a cliff I found myself looking out into vast blue nothingness, with only a few dozen squids for company. It started getting dark, and I thought about heading back, but then: A sheep! Oh, wait, that’s not a sheep; it’s a skeleton.

Fuck.

I killed the skeleton, but in doing so attracted a couple of its buddies, and all of a sudden found myself in a fight for my life. When the smoke had cleared I was a few bits of flesh and pints of blood lighter, but I was able to scarf down a chicken leg and knew that my wounds would heal. Looking around me, though, I came to a chilling realization: I suddenly have no idea where the fuck I am.

Did I bother to lay some torches, to light my path home? Of course not; I’m only going to get sheep! I’ll be right back! What could possibly go wrong? So now I’m lost, in the middle of the woods, with no idea how to get back to the little hole I call home, and it’s dark. And raining. And there are creepers.

I hate Minecraft.